Britney Spears Is Not Actually Faster Than Usain Bolt

There are lots of ways to cope with a self-quarantined existence. You could learn to cook, or do puzzles, or play video games. Or you could break the world speed record for sprinting, which is what Britney Spears claimed she did in a now-deleted Instagram post. There, Britney announced that she “Ran my first 5 !!!!” with a screenshot of an iPhone stopwatch paused at 5.97 seconds, noting that she was running the 100-meter dash. As numerous people have pointed out, that means Britney absolutely wrecked the previous world record for the 100-meter dash, set by Usain Bolt at 9.58 seconds in Germany in 2009.

For a brief, joyous moment, we could all imagine that Britney had a secret sprinting talent, perhaps emboldened by her recent other Instagram endorsement of communism and a general strike. Could Comrade Britney have really set a world record? Sadly, no. Britney quickly returned to Instagram for a fashion show post, as she is often wont to do, and clarified in her caption that “obviously I was joking about running the 100 meter dash in 5.97 seconds …. the world record is held by Usain Bolt which is 9.58 seconds …. but you better believe I’m coming for the world record 😂 !!!! #joking #workbitch.” Given that the Summer Olympics have been delayed, now is the time for someone to set up the Usain Bolt-Britney Spears race we all deserve as a replacement. NBC, ESPN, someone, please put it together! Do it over Instagram Live!

Also, this is unrelated to the whole sprinting thing, but we should note that exactly 37 minutes after she clarified that she is not faster than Usain Bolt, Britney posted yet another video, which you can watch above. Britney, thank you for churning out so much content during these trying times. We all really appreciate it.