Think of the flush that must have crept over Mike Read’s face the moment he realized that when Frankie sang “come,” they meant cum. Pupils and capillaries dilated, he must have scanned the lyrics printed on the sleeve of “Relax” and read the word “suck” as if for the first time in his life. By the time the BBC 1 Radio DJ declared the song “obscene” on air, “Relax” had already become a mainstay on his station—contemporary estimates say it played 70 to 100 times in six weeks—extolling the pleasures of gay sex to some thousands of unsuspecting listeners. Eleven days into 1984, “Relax” fluttered to No. 6 on the UK charts. Yanked from airplay, it soared to the top by the end of the month.
The tale of Read’s sudden panic quickly grew. Before long, he hadn’t just declined to play the single on his hit countdown show; he had dragged the needle off the disc halfway through its runtime and banned it on the spot. Depending on who’s telling the story, he also either flung the record against the wall or snapped it over his knee. For his part, Read claims he wasn’t all that bothered; he simply ran out of airtime. But he will concede that he noticed some “vile words” and a “simulated phallus” printed on the cover, and he did indeed pronounce the whole thing obscene.
While he didn’t have the authority to ban “Relax” from broadcast himself, Read’s declaration made its way up the chain, scandalizing BBC executives as it went. Apparently, it had never occurred to them that “come” meant anything other than showing up. “The group seemed to confirm [the lyrics] as referring to fellatio and ejaculation, which are not exactly subjects which I think are appropriate for broadcasting on the radio,” said Derek Chinnery, BBC 1 Controller, two weeks after Read’s proclamation. “We could have said there is a dual meaning to this song, that it was a kind of nonsense lyric about relaxing. But when the performers themselves confirmed that it was referring to these sexual aberrations then it didn’t seem to me appropriate that we should play it at all.” That day, the BBC learned a key lesson: If you don’t know what a song is about, it’s probably about sex. And if you’re certain a song is about nothing, it’s definitely about sex.
“Relax,” the crown jewel in Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s debut album, Welcome to the Pleasuredome, went largely unnoticed for the first three months after its release in the fall of 1983. An irresistible performance on the Top of the Pops’ 20th-anniversary show catapulted the single into public consciousness: Lead singer Holly Johnson vamped along to its pre-recorded studio glitz dressed in leather and flagging piss, while his co-vocalist Paul Rutherford—the handsome clone to Johnson’s charismatic scamp—danced as if he had just stumbled into the eighth discotheque of the night. The BBC fracas cemented the song’s illicit appeal. Everything that was supposed to nip a music career in the bud—politics, overproduction, overt homosexuality, censorship—only poured fuel on Frankie’s fire.