James Comey Says Trump Asked Him To Investigate The Pee Tape, Trump Reacts

Donald Trump‘s pre-presidency private life has been causing him all kinds headaches lately but one rumor in particular seems to really be the stick in his craw: the pee-pee tape.

Former Director the FBI, James Comey is the latest person to release a book based on Trump’s suspect actions during his ill-gotten presidency and according to the New York Post, the unreleased book, A Higher Loyalty: Truth, Lies, and Leadership, states that Donald Trump asked Comey to investigate said salacious tape and prove it doesn’t exist.

“He brought up what he called the ‘golden showers thing’ … adding that it bothered him if there was ‘even a 1 percent chance’ his wife, Melania, thought it was true… He just rolled on, unprompted, explaining why it couldn’t possibly be true, ending by saying he was thinking asking me to investigate the allegation to prove it was a lie. I said it was up to him.”

If we’ve learned anything from Trump since becoming President is that when he says something isn’t true, it’s pretty much true.

Rumor has it that The Donald had some moscow hookers urinate all over a bed that President Obama and Michelle Obama slept in while in Russia as a weird way to disrespect the last ficial President The United States. Unfortunately for Donnie it’s said that the Kremlin had cameras set up in the room and caught everything on tape. Since then Donnie’s been reluctant to talk ill Vladimir Putin or even remotely criticize his various actions against the US and when he does he immediately backtracks. So yeah, he’s getting blackmailed.

Comey says the conversation with Trump happened in January 2017 and remembers wondering why Melania would even humor the thought that her husband would be involved in such water sports.

Comey recalls privately wondering why Melania might think there was even a 1 percent chance the allegation was true, noting there was “zero chance” his own wife would believe such a claim.

“In what kind marriage, to what kind man, does a spouse conclude there is only a 99 percent chance her husband didn’t do that?” Comey writes.

Of course Trump being Trump, he constantly brought up the subject to try to convince Comey that the rumors weren’t true. The kind actions that a man with a guilty conscious makes.

During a call on Jan. 11, 2017, Comey says, Trump launched into an explanation about how he hadn’t even stayed overnight in Moscow on the date in question.

“Another reason you know this isn’t true: I’m a germaphobe. There’s no way I would let people pee on each other around me, no way,” he quotes Trump as saying.

Comey notes “the activity” wouldn’t have required an overnight stay, and speculates that the presidential suite at the Moscow Ritz-Carlton was probably spacious enough for a germaphobe to have kept a “safe distance” from it.

It came up a fourth time on March 30, 2017, when Comey says Trump called to ask him to “get out” that he wasn’t personally under investigation in the FBI’s probe into Russia’s election meddling.

“Can you imagine me, hookers?” Comey says Trump told him before adding “he has a beautiful wife and the whole thing has been very painful to her.”

And that’s just a few excerpts from A Higher Loyalty: Truth, Lies, and Leadership, which is due out on Tuesday.

Donald Trump meanwhile has already taken to Twitter to smear Comey as a liar (pot calling the kettle, well, you know) and is calling for an investigation into the former FBI Director.

Donald Trump is coming apart at the seams. Someone get that man a drink, oh wait…

Photo: Getty